Summer Heat…Evaluating Dress-Code

Last weekend was a scorcher! It was nice to have a day full of sunshine and heat (especially after several weekends of unseasonably cool temperatures)! Just like your favorite four legged friend sheds as summer approaches, it seems that some of the students that attend our youth group do the same.

We have an interesting demographic at our church because approximately 50% of our students come to our youth group without the support of their parents and without any church background. We have always followed a distraction policy. Unless a student is “hanging out” or wearing something see-through we do not comment initially. Our hope is that the student will get to the place where they develop relationships with other students, adult volunteers, and ultimately God. I am convinced that through those relationships life change will happen and the dress issue will take care of itself.

I sent this issue out to some youth ministers via email. Check out some of their responses…

- Aaron Thomas - "Well, it’s 85 in January out here and the West Coast is…let’s say, a little more liberal in their dress. I have quite a diverse crowd at youth, about 40% churched students and 60% very unchurched (which is my target audience). If I see a churched girl dressed like a hooker, I’m going to tell her that. However, unchurched students should “come as they are” and once I feel there is a trust and connection there, I (with a female leader present) will address her clothing."

– Tim Schmoyer - "Personally, I require that girls wear one-piece bathing suits or wear a non-white shirt on top of a two-piece suit. Other than that, it's kinda like an ambiguous distraction policy. If it's distracting to me or someone else by diverting attention away from the point of the meeting (like, a Bible study or something), then it's addressed. I'm not really a fan of legalistic "skirts no shorter than 6 inches above the knees" sorta rules.

However, unchurched students are a different story. I like Aaron's response. It's a good principle to follow, depending on how far you allow the "come as they are" thing to go. There are some lines that just must be drawn even for unchurched kids. Like, is a bra-less girl wearing a see-through t-shirt acceptable? I think I'd address that one right away even if she's straight off the street. It's not too much to expect students to follow certain rules. That's just a part of life: school has rules, families have them, even driving on the roads have rules. I want to create an environment where students' attention is drawn to the Lord, so if someone's inappropriate dress or behavior is severely hindering that, I'm going to address it. There's a difference between criticizing someone's dress and criticizing them personally. I think most students can tell the difference."

So... What do you think?

Closing Shop

How do you handle the ministry shutdown at the end of the evening?

Do you simply kick everyone out at a set time and it’s over? Every ministry, regardless of size and scale of programming, has to deal with the shutdown process. Maybe you deal with some of the same issues that I have. No one is passionate about cleaning up, everyone wants to be a relational superstar during the clean-up time period, the same people seem to be doing all the work and then complain about it.

I’m a firm believer that despite the program shutting down some of the best ministry happens during the time frame after the "program" has finished. About a year ago our High School Ministry met in our church office because our main services were in a movie theater. We basically had one large room full of couches, video games, AV equipment etc. Our program was from 7:30 till 9:00 and students could hang out as long as they desired up until their driving curfew. It amazed me how many students didn’t leave until 10:00, 10:30, up until 10:45. During this time frame leaders had the ability to connect with students at a deep level. They were able to pray for students and challenge the students’ relationships with God. The great thing about that office is that you could clean the entire meeting area in 15 minutes with only one or two people.

Over the summer of 06 we left the movie theater and built our first building. This greatly enhanced our ability to connect with students as we are able to offer more “stuff” for them to get involved with as well as create a higher level of ministry programming. The down side is that it would take one or two people an hour and a half to clean it all up on their own. I didn’t want to discourage the hangout time that we once had at the office but many leaders are understandably ready to leave at 10:00 in order to prepare for a long work week.

We have adopted a strategy over the past couple of months that seems to be working well for us. Maybe this will help you and perhaps you can contribute something that works well for you!

Here’s the timeline of our ministry:
4:30-6:00 Set-up
6:00-7:00 Middle School Hang Out Time
7:00-8:00 Combined Teaching for Middle School and High School
8:00-9:00 High School Hang Out Time

At 9:00, just like the old days many people are not ready to leave. Just like the old days, this is still awesome relational time! Not wanting to waste that time, we put the following timeline into practice.

9:15-9:30 Evening Recap. Four of us (myself, our arts leader, a volunteer Administrative Assistant, and a volunteer Volunteer Coordinator) get together at this time to recap the evening. We discuss every detail including set-up, the programming elements, and the hang out time. From that meeting each of us gets a task list that we will work on the following week. This meeting is great because it is weekly! We are able to recap both positive (things to keep doing) and negative (things to improve) elements. Everyone else is free to do as they please. Some people begin the clean-up process while others continue to be solely relational.

9:30-9:45 At this time we call all remaining leaders and students to come together into the large room to do a recap. At this time I ask basic questions such as “What was the God moment for you tonight?” “What was a meaningful conversation that you had with a student?” “Who interacted with (new student)?" “What is God doing in your life now?” This is also the time I share a short training tip and we pray for one another.

9:45- 10:00/10:15 This is the time we initiate the clean up sequence. It is at this time I thank everyone for being a part of the ministry and say goodnight to those that are exhausted. This goodbye time is key because I never want leaders to feel bad for leaving, they have been there for hours already! Those that remain are given direction on cleaning up. It is a beautiful thing to see students and leaders unite to accomplish a common goal, leaving ASAP to grab a bite to eat!

10:00/10:15 Optional time to eat and hangout. Although I rarely “feel” like going out after such a long day it is a lot of fun and culminates huge relational payback. We either go to Applebee’s (half price appetizers) or McDonalds. Just like the old days, we kick students out at driving curfew.

12:00 Go to sleep!

Monday – Vegetation and recovery!

I will close with these two questions:
How often do you and your volunteers get together to review the services?
Do people want to leave as soon as your programming is over or do you have to kick them out?

If Only

Need… What a funny concept. What do we really NEED? What do we NEED to have an awesome youth ministry? What do we NEED to have a great marriage? What do we NEED to have fulfillment in life? Beneath every NEED there is the potential of an excuse lurking below the surface. You can identify this with the “if only” statements. If only we had more staff. If only we had committed volunteers. If only my spouse understood me. If only Rita’s Water Ice was fat free.

This week I was at the PCTC (Pennsylvania Christian Teen Convention) planning session for 2008 and we were invited to attend an “optional” prayer meeting from 9:30 to 10:00. Truth being told, I had been doing a lot of praying that day. Tuesday was the day Ben, our Student Ministry Arts Intern, was going to give his decision as to whether he was going to come on full time or not. I had also been praying for friends of mine who have been going through a terrible situation. I honestly didn’t want to go to that room, but inside I knew I needed to be a part of that moment.

As I sat down to pray I felt restless so I decided to read the book of Philippians. When I came to Philippians 4 I was struck by verse 6 in the NLT. Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. It continues… If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. It was then I came face to face with the question, “What do I really NEED?” I decided to go before the Creator of the Universe and tell Him what I NEEDED. It radically changed my prayer. I found myself saying I think I NEED. It was easy to thank Him for all He has done. This simple exercise brought me peace and strengthened my faith.

NOW WHAT?
1. Create a list of the things that you think you NEED?
2. Pray through that list saying, “God I NEED…”
3. Spend time thanking God for what He has done.