One liners from a forward

Here are some one liners from a forward... Maybe you can start a message with five of the "least funny"

• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
• Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
• Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
• The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
• The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
• To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
• When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
• The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
• A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
• A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
• Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
• We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
• When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
• The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
• The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
• The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
• If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
• A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
• A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
• A will is a dead giveaway.
• Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
• A backward poet writes inverse.
• In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
• A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
• If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
• With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
• Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
• When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
• A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
• You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
• Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
• He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
• A calendar's days are numbered.
• A boiled egg is hard to beat.
• He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
• A plateau is a high form of flattery.
• Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
• When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
• If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
• When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
• Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
• Acupuncture: a jab well done

Sorry :)

A MUST READ for Communicators

If you haven’t read Communicating for a Change by Andy Stanley, do yourself a favor and pick yourself up a copy this week. Andy challenges communicators to limit their talk to one clear, easy to apply, one point message. I found it to be an easy read with tons of practical applications. Drop me a comment and let me know what you think. You won't be disappointed.

Living It

We all know that teaching principles is easier than living them. We also know that when a lesson is experienced it is much more impressionable on our lives. While at a retreat in October another youth minister shared how he brings those concepts together. Every month he has his students participate in a service project once a month. He selects the project for the following month by having students write ideas on flash cards and then drawing one from bowl. He uses the weeks leading up to the event to plan out all the logistical details for the event.

I have adopted this philosophy into our student leadership team. They submitted the following ideas: reading to students, visiting the elderly, yard work for neighbors, and a soup kitchen. Rather than drawing a card I had them vote on their choice for November. While planning the visit to the soup kitchen, a need was brought to my attention. Someone my wife new was put in a situation requiring her to move near her parents. As a result, the team and I decided to push back the soup kitchen to December and tomorrow we will be helping with the move.

I'm thrilled to be able to provide the students with an opportunity to help a family truly in need. This is a lesson they will never forget.

Do your students serve? If not, opportunities for service are only a relationship away.

Bored

Two weeks ago, while at our student leadership team meeting, one of the leaders said, "Dude, I've been getting bored on Sunday nights." We need some different activities.
My first thought was, "Get behind me Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." Okay, that wasn't my first thought. My first thought was "Wow, what else can we add? What else can we do?" We have basketball, a room full of video games, a hang out room etc.A few days ago I was thumbing through my planner and saw a quote I had written down from a speaker, "Never assume what worked yesterday will work today! Re-evaluate what is working today - it won't work tomorrow."

It's funny how often we need to re-evaluate and try something fresh. As the weather changes we have realized that the outdoor free-time activities are going to come to an end and more and more students will want activities available indoors. Our solution to this problem is a radically different layout on Sunday nights. We will switch teaching rooms and use our largest space in the building for free time during the winter months rather than the worship service. If you saw our layout, it is a pretty extreme decision.

We will go to a stage that is a third of the size. We will be going from three screens to one. The band will be playing direct from their amps not our sound system. We will be abandoning round tables and going to row seating. Why this drastic change? We realized by not thinking outside of the box we would keep a Wow factor service but have poor relational, activity time by not having sufficient activity space.

Going to the alternative room won’t be bad by any means, we will have a much more intimate setting. Messages and content will have a “different” vibe. There will be less opportunity for distractions in this location. The large room will be an awesome hang out activity station.

What extreme decisions do you need to make? What worked for you last month that might not be working now? Think about it before you find yourself out in the cold.

Important Survey for Pastors

Hello Readers,

If you are a Pastor at a church please take a minute to read this blurb from our senior pastor and complete the survey.

Hey, I was wondering if you would be willing to help me do something really cool for Aids orphans in Africa. This isn't some nutty spam thing.

I am in the process of developing a strategic partnership to launch a school/Aids clinic/church plant in Nairobi Kenya.

As an author, one of the ways I want to help fund this is through a book that I write that is packaged into an all-church campaign, much like what other author’s have done.

Here’s where I need your help. I’ve created a survey to help me determine what topics/issues would be most helpful to pastors who might want to do an all-church campaign in their church.

Could you take this quick survey? I would really value your input.

Also, would you mind putting a note about this in your blog (or emailing other pastors) and encouraging them to take the survey? I will post the results to this survey on my blog on December 15th. I think the info. we gather could be really helpful to dynamic church leaders out there.

Here’s the survey link:

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=Cn3ERIeQFZpudTx9cZzEXw_3d_3d

I really appreciate this!

Brian Jones
http://www.brianjones.com/

The End is Near... The Golden Compass

The buzz is in the air, I've received several emails urging me to get the word out, "Avoid The Golden Compass... especially if you have young kids!"

My suggestion would be to take your kids to see the movie and enter into a dialogue with them. Why should we ruin a perfect teaching opportunity? I will be going to see it and look forward to a potential series we can do here on Sunday nights.

I have a few challenges for everyone who is quick to forward an email: Did you go to the movie site as well as do research on the author to confirm the claims on snopes.com? (Check out an interview on MSNBC) Does your forward go to "non-believers" and if so what emotion are you trying to evoke?

Perhaps the subject line could be... "Great teaching opportunity, Hollywood produces a movie that mentions a creator being overtaken by its creation." I've seen a similar story with a different outcome in Isaiah 14:12-14. Maybe you should check it out with me.